Today I walked past a display of chocolate mud cakes in woolworths and I thought to myself how much I would love to just buy one and buy some other carb-y snacks while I'm at it and just go home and have a nice leisurely day of eating them. See, those are the kind of thoughts that go through a binge-eaters head. I didn't think of enjoying one slice of cake, because I knew that wouldn't be enough for me, I thought about having a good old binge. And how I missed that. Isn't that sad? In reality, whenever I used to do something like that I would wind up feeling sick and depressed, vow to start afresh the next day, then ended up bingeing again later. It was this cycle that made me stack on all the weight.
Thinking that initial thought today actually was a wake up call. Much as I love the taste of sweets and carbs, I just DON'T want to be in the cycle of ALWAYS thinking about damn food and when is my next opportunity to get some, and always guilt guilt guilt and sneaking food. The fact is, I can't really be sensible around sweets and starches. I can't stop at one. And that brings me back to WHY I need to cure myself of my sugar addiction.
I look forward to the day when I can eat fruit and eat a sweet thing here and there without then feeling like I need to eat anything else sweet I can get my hands on. When my sensitivity to sweetness is heightened so that one dessert or one fruit is supremely rich for me.
I'll get there.