It's been a while since I have written anything here, and for the sake of keeping it real I will tell you that the ol' binge eating disorder came back to haunt me. After so many months of evading it (and sure I did binge a little from time to time over the past year but no big deal) it came back in a big way. Why? Well, maybe it was after so many months of being quite strict, and I also found the autoimmune elimination diet very hard, and I just went a little crazy. Like everything I had learnt about eating awareness went flying out the window. I am still a big believe in paleo of course, and try to eat that way as much as possible, but binge eating knows no reason. Well, it does, but when you're in the midst of a binge nothing matters because it can all be put off to that faraway, mythical land of "tomorrow" or "Monday".
I am fighting my way back at the moment and just trying to incorporate everything I have learned - paleo, eating with awareness, the advice from "French Women Don't Get Fat", etc - but ultimately trying to remember that:
This takes hard work.
Recovering from any sort of eating disorder is not easy, and in the end I think you just have to stick it out because diligence is the only thing that will get you there. I'm not saying that your whole life has to be an effort, every bite of food takes self control, or something like that. For the most part, eating with awareness and eating real, natural food and lovely dark chocolate is quite enjoyable. But when those tougher times come, when you get the urge to binge when you're not hungry or you're feeling stressed or down, that's when you need to put in the effort. To sit with those uncomfortable feelings and maybe do something else nurturing for yourself, whatever you choose that to be, until the urge passes. That is a lot easier said than done and trust me I have been there, many times. When you're in the midst of an urge to binge, it feels like the worst thing ever to not have that food. But soon it passes, if you can just withstand those tortuous moments.
I know, first world problems, right. But constantly going through a mental battle with yourself is not easy. You know, this truly is a mental problem. And first off you just have to accept that there will be some tough times; and that the payoff for withstanding those times is great!
Anyway, another thing I am doing at the moment is just trying to fit in any incidental exercise wherever I can. So far I have been parking my car further away from where I work so I can walk further. I have also been running up and down the stairs while I brush my teeth, which trust me, is a real work out.
I am really going to make an effort to write more on here, not just in the good times, when I am feeling motivated and when everything comes easy. I have to write about the tougher times too because otherwise it really isn't going to help anyone.