The Difference Between Binge Eating and Normal Non-Hungry Eating

It's been almost a week since I "quit" binge eating and I am reminding myself often that the first 3 weeks are the hardest! But, it hasn't been as hard as I always thought it would be (before I discovered "Brain Over Binge", I posted about how I just had to accept that recovering from BED would be really hard!) Don't get me wrong, there have been some tough moments - such as when  in the middle of making white chocolate mousse and it seemed like every fiber of me was yelling to eat the leftover white chocolate (Cadbury Dream, mmmm). For me, the hardest part has been figuring out what urges are "neurological junk" from the lower brain, not really me, and what is just normal day-to-day cravings and "non-hungry eating". I now firmly believe that they are two separate issues, albeit both important to tackle.

The thing is, I am wary at the moment of giving in to urges from the "lower brain" so I have been a bit scared to overeat or do any eating that wasn't pre-planned. But life isn't always pre-planned and you never know when someone is going to offer you a chocolate at work or when you go to someone's house and they offer you some biscuits with tea, or whatever. It's natural to accept those little indulgences here and there, unless they are happening a LOT. I want to live my life with full appreciation and enjoyment of food and not be so strict (except with grains and gluten of course). So I thought I would make myself a little list separating what constitutes each type of overeating.

Binge Eating Examples:
- Stopping at Coles on the way home from work to buy a block of chocolate and a pack of gluten free biscuits, then proceeding to eat them all on my bed and drink cups of coffee to wash it all down, while I zone out watching movies.
- Going to the movies with friends and buying a whole block of chocolate to eat in the cinema and eating most of it myself and being reluctant to share much of it.
- Being preoccupied about when I can next eat something sweet. If I'm at a friend's house, thinking only about how much chocolate or biscuits I can have without seeming like a pig. Planning to buy more on the way home.
- Planning to have a night in eating chocolate, then getting a call from my boyfriend asking if I want to come over, and being disappointed that I can't spend the night eating chocolate. Planning to buy it on the way there and eat it before I get there without him knowing.
- Making a batch of biscuits or cakes, intending to share them, but then eating most of them myself or even eating the whole batch myself, and then cleaning up all the utensils so no one knows I have made them.
- Planning to be really good and not eat any sugary treats, then having one, and thinking "Oh I've screwed it up now" and going on a binge because I can start again tomorrow.
- Buying a block of chocolate intended to have a little bit each day, then eating the whole thing in one day.
- When I was in high school, walking via the supermarket on the way home and buying a packet of muesli bars for me to have for morning teas that week, then getting home and eating them all.

Non-Hungry Eating Examples:
- Having second helpings of a delicious dessert at a family gathering or a party.
- Going to the movies with some friends, and getting sweets to share or just a single chocolate bar for myself (as opposed to a whole block!)
- Eating a couple of biscuits when offered them at my boyfriend's place when his stepmum makes me tea.
- Licking the spoon while making cake.
- Feeling overfull after Christmas lunch.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. The point is, the second group of examples are normal things to happen, and unless they become extremely regular occurrences, then I don't think they would come in the way of a healthy diet. For the most part, trying to eat slowly and savour your food, and asking yourself what you really feel like, are all ways that you can ensure that you don't do much non-hungry eating. Most of all, remembering that you don't have to feel guilty for indulging now and again is very important.

Today I had a big family lunch, and I had two slices of this delicious white chocolate mousse cake, but I think it is balanced out because I didn't overeat the main meal, and I didn't have much of the pre-lunch nibblies because I wanted to save room for the cake. It's around about dinner time and I'm not hungry yet, I just had a mandarin before because that is what I felt like. If I get hungry later, I will have something but for now I am content to just let my tummy do its thing and digest :)

As Kathryn, the author of "Brain Over Binge" suggests, setting a limit before your non-hungry eating is a good idea. For example, when my boyfriend's stepmum offered me those biscuits I decided that two would be a good amount and I stuck with it. Predictably, urges to keep eating came after that but I knew that they were to be ignored and it was fine.

Day #21 Personal Paleo Code 30 Day Reset

Well I've made it past the 3 week mark - with a bit of a slip up over Valentine's day! (Chocolate, of course). In fact I had chocolate, dairy, and soy so I can't pin down what caused the symptoms I experienced the next day. After that I became a lot more determined to be strict and not cheat for the rest of the 30 days - and maybe even longer if I need to. I need to be able to reintroduce foods one by one very slowly so that I can really know once and for all what I am intolerant to. I have a nasty feeling that I won't tolerate dairy:( But oh, if I can introduce eggs back in, life will be a lot easier!

One of the biggest things I have learnt is to keep it simple. In the first week I spent more time IN the kitchen than out of it, and it got old fast. At the moment I'm thoroughly over slaving away for hours on a dish. Luckily I have now got a few different basic recipes that I can alternate:

- Sausage patties: for breakfast, lunch or a quick dinner when I need it. I vary the meat, veggies and herbs I use to mix it up week by week. I make a big batch and keep them in the freezer. This week I have pork and apple and sage. I like to have a sweet potato hash brown on the side.

- Chicken: I rub thigh fillets with olive oil, herbs, salt, pepper and a dash of cumin, then fry them in olive or coconut oil. I have whatever veggies I feel like (or that are in the fridge) on the side.

- Steak: seasoned with salt, pepper and herbs. It is so, so delicious when served on a bed of greens, with a slice of crispy bacon on top and avocado slices on the side. Even better with a slice of pineapple on top as well. Eating this meal feels so amazingly indulgent yet it is so simple.

- Skillet: I vary the veggies but usually have cubes of sweet potato, diced mushroom and leek, spinach, garlic, and then add in some chopped up sausage at the end. Again, super simple. The most taxing part is the chopping up of veggies.

I now have perfected all these recipes so that I am able to chuck in whatever veggies and herbs I want to taste, and the most time consuming part is simply the prep of the veggies.

I would advise to keep the exotic recipes for on the weekend or just once a week, when you have the time and energy and feel inspired. Keeping it simple most of the time is just so much easier.

Your Personal Paleo Code: Review and the start of My Code

I recently started reading "Your Personal Paleo Code" by Chris Kresser. Now, I think Chris is a seriously smart guy who always writes really well thought and researched articles on health. It is thanks to him that I got rid of my chronic heartburn, by reading his series of articles on GERD. So when I found out he had written a book I went straight to bookdepository.com and ordered it!

The great thing about Chris is that he doesn't advocate a "one size fits all" policy when it comes to adopting the paleo diet. I think that is the fault with a lot of others, who say that everyone should be eating this and no one at all should be eating that because it doesn't fit with the rules. Chris acknowledges that everyone is different in terms of their reactions to food and how their body tolerates different foods. He does generally advocate avoiding grains, legumes, sugar and industrial/seed oils of course but when it comes to other gray area foods he advises that we figure out what works best for us.

So, all that said, he advises a "30 day reset" which cuts out certain foods e.g. dairy. I think you should read the book so I'm not going to give it all away. After the 30 days, you can reintroduce foods gradually and examine your reaction to them. For those with an autoimmune disease (e.g. Hashimotos which I have) there are the additional modifications of eliminating eggs and nightshades. When I first read all this, I thought that there was no way I would be able to do it and I thought I would just read the book and not actually implement the 30 day reset. But then I realised that I still have lingering problems and have plateaued in weight loss so I really want to give this an honest shot and work out once and for all what I can and can not have.

I am now on day 4. The hardest things about the reset are that you have to plan and cook so much. I have spent more time in the kitchen the past few days than I have spent out of it! But I have discovered a few little things so far:

- Cooking a big batch of a dish and then dividing it into plastic containers and putting them in the freeze saves time for later and is also handy for the days where you just can't face doing any cooking
- Meatballs or burgers are handy for breakfast. I made up a batch of pork and apple burgers and froze them in bags of 2 for my breakfast.
- Keep activated nuts handy at work and when going out, for the times when you get hungry but there's no appropriate foods available to you.
- Go back to the tradition of a "Sunday Roast" every week - and then you can use the carcass to make bone broth to drink and use for cooking that week! I am making my first batch tomorrow with a nice free range chicken.

Another hard thing is eating out. In fact, the thought of this was really getting me anxious. Like going out to eat with friends and not being able to eat anything. Or being that annoying person who is really fussy about what they eat (you know, if other people were like that it wouldn't bother me. I wish it wouldn't bother other people!!) But today I went to a cafe for brunch with my partner and his parents and I was able to get a salad of grilled chicken, pumpkin, pine nuts, spanish onion, mixed greens and balsamic dressing. I just asked them to swap out the feta cheese for avocado and I was sweet. Then I had a black tea on the side. It made me feel so relieved because I realised there are always things like salads that I can order and also steak and vegetables is able to be ordered at most restaurants. So at least now I have that anxiety somewhat alleviated.

I will give a list of what I've been eating so that others can have an idea of what it's like.

Breakfasts - I usually have a combination of these things:
- Sweet potato hashbrowns are my new favourite breakfast staple. Literally all you do is grate the sweet potato and fry it in a clump with some coconut oil in a pan, then flip it after a couple of minutes, until it's the crispiness you desire.
- Pork burgers from the freezer that I reheat
- Avocado
- Fruit

Lunches:
- Usually leftovers from the night before or a skillet with some meat, pumpkin, spinach and other vegetable

Dinner:
- Bolognese made without tomato using Danielle Walker's recipe. It was absolutely delicious and mum said it was the best thing I have made. Instead of the red wine I used 1/2 cup beef stock and 1/4 cup red wine vinegar and it turned out perfect.
- Chicken Korma with Cauli-rice

Snacks/treats:
- Activated cashew nuts
- Coconut macaroons made with dessicated coconut, dates and strawberry jam (a treat only)
- Cookies made with apple, coconut, ginger and cinnamon powder, coconut oil. Both these recipes were from Mickey Trescott's "Autoimmune Paleo Cookbook"

I've been drinking herbal tea instead of black tea and coffee. I had a headache for a few days but I think the withdrawal symptoms are gone now.

Another great thing about "Your Personal Paleo Code" is that Chris describes how other factors such as sleep, stress and movement can greatly influence weight loss. So I am going to focus more in making sure I get more sleep at night, make time to relax throughout the day and work on reducing my worry and anxiety through time management, and also move more. Chris says that even if you do 30 minutes of moderate activity per day, it doesn't undo the damage done from sitting all day. Luckily I have a job where I stand and walk around a lot of the time but once I get home ( and I only work part time) I tend to just veg out on my bed and go on my computer, maybe going out for a 30 minute walk or doing 5 minutes of skipping sometimes. So that's probably a good 7 hours of sitting I still do every day once I get home from work.

Instead of assigning myself a daunting task like a resistance training circuit 3 times a week, I am going to focus more on being active throughout the day and spread resistance exercises out over the day. I am going to get up regularly from sitting down to go for a short walk, do some star jumps or skipping, or do a quick set of lunges or burpees. That way I can do the resistance exercises that I desire to do, but in a much less daunting way. I am more likely to do it if I know I just have to do 20 star jumps and then relax. Or just do lunges on the way to the bathroom. Or do 10 incline push ups on the stairs everytime I go up them. I think being more active throughout the day and getting lots of incidental exercise in will really help. I think that is a much more natural way of movement rather than sitting all day and going to the gym to use some equipment for 30 minutes.

So watch this space! I am feeling very motivated at the moment. I think if I can get through 3 weeks without sugar, I can get through 30 days of this reset diet.

I love this coffee + A couple of things I've been cooking

A lot of times I turn to tea and coffee when I feel the need for a distraction or a nice ritual or just something to consume (this would be very familiar to those who have given up something like sugar!) But recently I had been having trouble getting to sleep at night so amongst other things I stopped having caffeine after lunch. I already had some nice herbal teas from Tea Tonic, so I needed a good decaf coffee. I chose this one: Republica 100% Pure Decaffeinated which I found in Coles.

It was well worth the 10 bucks I spent on it because to me it tastes as good as regular coffee and the fact that its fairtrade and certified organic doesn’t hurt either! Now I always bring it to work with me and to my boyfriend’s house and it’s a nice ritual to enjoy after dinner instead of dessert.

Thought I’d share some things I've been making that are paleo/primal. This is a breakfast hash (recipe in the link) made with pumpkin and bacon and other nice things. Damn it was nice and I was able to use leftovers for lunch the next day as well! Excellent. 

The other day I made a simple salad for lunch:

I used baby spinach, tomato, avocado, crispy bacon and pan fried haloumi with a dressing of 1tbs olive oil, 1tbs apple cider vinegar and 1tsp mustard. Delicious and easy, woo hoo!

And now for a bit of a laugh here is a link to "The Many Stages of Eating Paleo." Love it!

For the times when it isn't easy...

Most days I am glad to say that following this lifestyle is easy and I’m so grateful that I have found a way to help myself that doesn't involve drugs or therapy. Most days I appreciate all the amazing food I can cook and eat and how it makes me feel so well and healthy.

BUT…some days, the fact that I can’t just eat a double-coated Tim Tam whenever I want really gets me down. It can be a number of different things that sets it off – seeing an advertisement, smelling the fresh, warm cookies being baked at Mrs Field’s, even just the scent of vanilla can do it. Or the fact that I’m having a shitty, blah day. I remind myself that eating that Tim Tam will not only lead to eating the whole pack and starting a cascading binge, it will also give me heartburn and bloating and who knows what other digestive upsets – not to mention affecting my thyroid. So that’s why I don’t eat the Tim Tam. But SOMEDAYS – you know those days right? Everything just feels pointless and meaningless and too hard and I hate the fact that I can’t just be normal.

Thankfully, those days are usually few and far between and I’m so glad that most of the time anymore I don’t suffer the symptoms of binge eating disorder. But those bad days come along sometimes and the most important thing is that we acknowledge that they are happening, and that it is just a phase and will hopefully only last for a day or so. So if we can get through them, without bingeing, there is even more chance that we will feel better soon. Then again, even if I do end up caving and binge eating, I am a lot more equipped these days to get myself back up on my feet sooner and to deal with what is happening. It’s not the end of the world, anyway. The important thing is that we never give up and we just keep trying. 

This World (And Sugar) Is Driving Me Crazy!

So I have officially completed 21 days without sugar! And guess what, I lost track of what day it was and thought that day 21 wasn’t until tomorrow, when in fact it was yesterday… I am so glad of that because today I caved and had sugar free pineapple jelly and felt guilty about it, haha! Until I realised I had already completed my challenge (I was also doing no artificial sweeteners). 

Anyway, so where am I at and what have I learnt if anything?

-          Well for starters, I can now eat 85% dark chocolate and it tastes amazing. This coming from a girl who always used to hate dark chocolate and until recently 70% was the highest I could go.

-          Cutting out sugar helped massively with binge eating. There were a few days where I was restless and bored and felt like eating but stuck to fatty/protein snacks and rode it out. Now I realise that my #1 trigger for binge eating is when I am bored/restless. I think the second is when I feel like what I am doing isn’t working and I get frustrated…like today but more on that later. So next time I feel bored/restless I am going to do everything in my power to avoid bingeing because I know that is a vulnerable state for me.

-          I want to continue to eat mostly sugar free but will occasionally have things like super dark chocolate or baked goods using stevia or rice malt syrup because at least they don’t have fructose in them, and only for special occasions where I can share with other people.

-          I actually have pretty good willpower…I have sat through multiple instances of other people eating dessert around me, like last night where everyone got (free!!) frozen yoghurt, and only felt mild jealousy. But I wasn’t going crazy itching to eat it. I think that advertising affects me the most…go away sugar industry!

So today I weighed myself and had gained weight since yesterday (yes I have been weighing myself every day at the moment, I know it is stupid), after a week of a weight plateau, and it really got me down. Because I was so friggin’ healthy yesterday. Only thing I didn’t do was exercise. And I am worried that maybe my thyroid is starting to act up. But WHY?! I don’t eat grains or sugar and I FEEL fine so where am I getting this immune response from?! I suppose it could be because I am still eating dairy but dairy isn’t giving me any symptoms at all…my body seems to cope well with it.

It is so frustrating when I have been working so hard and this morning I ate a cup of (artificially sweetened) pineapple jelly while standing up in the pantry. Like, just wolfing it down. Then for the rest of the day all I could seem to think about was food. I just felt out of control and what was the point. The idea of bingeing on a bunch of cakes seemed soooo good. (But I didn’t, luckily. I did eat another cup of jelly though and a square of sugar free chocolate which was gross.)

When I got home I looked through a paleo cookbook which has so many recipes for baked treats and I felt so anxious! I just wanted to try them all but I didn’t know what to choose and I was worried that it would get me binge eating if I started baking again. I mean, having so many choices overwhelmed me. So weird. And I was in such a bad mood this afternoon, so grumpy and snapping at everyone. I don’t know why – whether it was the pineapple jelly from the morning or just the anxiety…

I decided to make mini baked cheesecakes because I had made these sugar-free chocolate-nut-coconut bars the other day and they were not sweet enough for me. So I figured I could use them as the base for the cheesecake because the sweetness in the cheese part would be enough. I used stevia to sweeten the cream cheese and then I swirled through 2 teaspoons of strawberry jam. So not very fructose-y right? I am excited to try them.

Anyway now my erratic/grumpy/anxious mood is mostly over (writing this has been clarifying) and I realise that having a binge would be a really unhelpful idea and I do not want to be stuck in sugar addiction again. I’d rather live without sugary things than eat them but be unhappy. That’s the key thing, isn’t it? See when I eat sugar, it isn’t in moderation. I just can’t control myself. And that always makes me unhappy and sick.

So this week I have a few goals – to walk for at least 45 minutes every day, to have probiotics and vitamin d supplements every day, and to NOT BLOODY WEIGH MYSELF. 

Day 17 Without Sugar + Food Appreciation Week

Well here I am with only four more days to go on my goal of quitting sugar for 3 weeks. I am super happy that I have gotten this far, especially lately when I have felt the urge to turn to comfort foods and binge a few different times. Mostly when I have been bored and restless and feeling like I can't relax - even on the weekends. I think I have felt like I should be achieving something and doing something productive. Now I realise that weekdays are the time for doing things like that and weekends are for relaxing. 

My skin is flaring up at the moment, with a few painful bumps on my face. I really hope that is just the detox happening and that it will abate in a few days. It’s not fun.

After a couple of days of restlessness and feeling the need to keep eating food compulsively I have decided to declare the rest of this week Food Appreciation Week.

This will be drawing from ideas learned from “If not dieting, then what?” by Dr Rick Kausman, “French Women Don’t Get Fat,” by Mireille Guillano, and a new concept I just read about called Hara Hachi Bu, which roughly translates to “Eat until your belly is 80% full.” Did you know there is a Japanese proverb that says that “Eight parts of a full stomach sustain the man; the other two sustain the doctor"? That is classic, I love that!

So, Food Appreciation Week will involve:

-          Trying to eat slowly and savour food

-          Appreciating the smell, texture, subtle complexities and rich flavours

-          Paying careful attention to fullness signals whilst eating

-          Writing down what I feel from all my senses as I eat different foods

-          Not eating while reading/watching TV/distracted

-          We’ll see what else I come up with as the week goes by

Also, I have decided another goal for this year is to try a new recipe each week, mostly from Danielle Walker's "Against All Grain" - because there are so many in there I want to try it simply overwhelms me!

Answering the Common Arguments Against Paleo

I realise that when faced with the thought of not having grains anymore, people can get really defensive and stubborn. It is a strange, strange thing. I felt the urge to tackle some common arguments against the Paleo/Primal diet, in my own words and opinions.

1. But Aren't You Depriving Yourself of Lots of Things?
- Well, first of all, of course you are going to be depriving yourself of certain foods any time you attempt to eat a healthy balanced diet that our bodies are designed to eat. That's the whole point is it? To reduce the junk food, fast food and sugary beverages that are so cheap and prolific in our society. I'm pretty sure that any sort of "diet" tells you to cut these things out, or at least drastically reduce them only to be had in "moderation". Actually, going grain-free led to me eating a much, much wider range of fresh foods on a regular basis that I wouldn't usually have eaten before.
- The conventional wisdom which sadly still holds strong in many people's minds is to reduce intake of high fat foods, and switch to low fat choices. Well, sorry, aren't YOU depriving yourself of the deliciousness that is crispy bacon and scrambled eggs for breakfast, or a rich triple cream brie, or a fat juicy steak? I feel more sorry for you, because going grain free has opened up a whole new world of flavours and richness to me. When you're stomach isn't (temporarily) filled with bread and rice you have more room to enjoy the flavours of the meat, spices and vegetables which aren't drowned out by starch anymore.
- Eating this way, i.e. cutting out starchy carbohydrates and refined sugars, has been the only way that I have been able to really control my binge eating disorder. It's a small price to pay for being free from the blood sugar crashes and carb cravings that only fuel the disorder.

2. Following a Primal Diet is expensive. Only rich people can afford to eat like that.
- It's really not as expensive as you would think when you take into consideration what you don't have to buy anymore. Changing my lifestyle has allowed me to save money I would have otherwise spent on drugs to alleviate GERD, so that alone is a saving of $30 a month. So that's $30 extra to spend on meat and cheese! :) I'm sure other people out there have a whole range of medications they wouldn't have to take if they went Paleo/Primal so they'd be saving even more than me - on not only the drugs themselves but the doctors visits and the blood tests to monitor side effects caused by taking the drugs!
- You're saving money on all the packaged foods you used to buy from the middle of the supermarket like bread, pasta, biscuits, crackers, chips and bottled sauces.
- If you find a well priced, good quality green grocer or farmer's market you can buy a whole load of vegies  and it costs less than you think. Fruit and vegetables add lots of bulk to meals without costing the earth.
- You can buy meat when it's on sale and stick it in the freezer for later use.
- Buy specialty ingredients like coconut oil and flour in bulk online. Maybe go in on it with a friend.
- Ultimately, if you're savvy enough then this doesn't have to be an expensive way to live. But even if it IS more expensive than say, living on packaged food, well I'm happy to accept that trade off - isn't your health and happiness worth that?

3. But I Can't Live Without Bread or Pasta!
- Boy, do I hear this a lot, mostly from friends. One work colleague even said to me "I'd rather be fat." Well, that's your choice. If you'd rather be sick and plagued with chronic illnesses then that's your bed to lie in.
Now, I was a self professed lover of Italian food, namely pizza and pasta. And I had toast for breakfast, and sometimes lunch, and sometimes afternoon tea, every freaking day. But when I found out there was a way that I could cure my GERD without drugs I simply jumped at the chance, I was so sick of the pain. It took a little while to completely get rid of the grains but guess what, I'm here, I'm living without bread and pasta. 
- I can definitely live without the stodgy feeling you get in your stomach after eating bread and pasta; the lethargy, the bloating, the heartburn, and the food baby! I've said it before, I'll say it again, closing the door on grains opens the door to a whole new world of delicious foods, all of which can be enjoyed without regret  (mental or physical!) later on.

If you want to read some more of these arguments, this is a good article. 

Ultimately, what people choose to eat is up to them, and I am not going to go round saying these things to people unsolicited, but I felt the need to rant a little! This is the way I choose to live and the way that makes me the healthiest and happiest.

Past the halfway point in my 21 day sugar detox!

So today is day 12 out of my goal of not having sugar in any form except fruit for 21 days. Woo hoo! I actually had to look up what day number I am up to, I had actually lost track because it has become such a natural thing. I have had a few desires to eat sugary things, but they have been pretty benign and I haven't been tempted to act on them. Rereading books like "Fat Chance: The Bitter Truth About Sugar", "Pure, White and Deadly" and "Sweet Poison" have helped to keep me going, as well as knowing that in a few weeks I will try using stevia or dextrose in baked things. I'll be interested to see how I go with eating chocolate after a few weeks - whether I will find it so much sweeter and richer. Hopefully!

Anyway, I seriously don't know how people could think they are ever being deprived without sugar. This is what I ate today so far and what I will be having later:
- Breakfast: Scrambled eggs made with tasty cheese and cream, and crispy bacon on the side; an orange; and coconut tea.
- Lunch: Chorizo sausage with a side of sauteed spinach and garlic; 2 slices of grain-free bread toasted and spread with butter and jam; black tea
- Afternoon tea (at work): Chunk of swiss cheese, one of the energy bars I made with nuts and dried apple.
- Dinner: Chicken kebabs



I have to make a special mention of this butter. It is Mainland Butter Soft, which is soft spreadable butter, and it is soooo good to have with toast and so easy to spread, unlike normal sticks of butter you have to soften on the bench for hours or put in the microwave! Love love love.

Also, I am so happy to have finally broken my plateau with weightloss. And you know what has done it? Skipping! I knew I needed something high intensity and I knew I had a skipping rope lying around in a drawer unused. I have built up slowly, first starting with 6 sets of 20 skips, then gradually going up to 30 skips, and today I am up to 35 skips in a row. And it literally takes all of 3 minutes to do this, which appeals to me... My Just Dance 4 DVD also arrived in the mail so had fun dancing along to that! Hold the phone, I am going to do a more detailed post on exercise later.

Anyway I have to rush to go to work now because I just spent 10 minutes looking up the benefits of using a skipping rope!

GOING STRONG!

Quitting Sugar: Day 10

I realised that it isn’t something I have to think about anymore. I just don’t eat sugary foods and it’s a natural thing.

I think I went through some withdrawal headaches on day 7 and 8 but they weren’t too bad, just had more water. I haven’t really noticed any other withdrawal symptoms e.g. crankiness or tiredness, at least not any over tiredness. I still occasionally get sugar cravings but I’ve noticed they are mainly when I SEE things that contain sugar – e.g. walking past the chocolate milk section in a supermarket, or seeing an advertisement for Cadbury chocolate. So the cravings come from outside, not from within me, if that makes sense. I’m sure if I was in a restaurant and there was a dessert menu with something like chocolate soufflé on it I would definitely feel the craving! I guess if I gave into that every month or so when I go out to dinner it wouldn’t matter too much – because then it would be what I want it to be – an occasional treat. But soon hopefully seeing advertisements like that won’t bother me anymore.

After I made the bread yesterday I worried that after having 2 slices of it with butter and jam I would just keep wanting more and I might binge on it – especially because it has sweet jam on it – but I didn’t. I mean, 2 slices at a time is enough for me and I’m truly satisfied. I had some for breakfast this morningJ Also, I still haven't eat all the apple nut energy bars I made last week, so I can't be having that many sweet cravings at home. All in all going very well and very happy!

Happy Happy Chef + A recipe for Creamy Chicken, Carrot and Leak Soup (Grain Free)

It's my 9th day without sugar (hooray!) and I have had a busy morning cooking and baking. First, I made my own almond milk using nuts I had let soak overnight. This was because it is an ingredient in what I made next, Danielle Walker's Grain Free Sandwich Bread:

Oh, I really love this bread. It smells delicious while it is baking and I love the taste and texture of it, especially when I toast a slice. I'm perfectly happy to not be able to have normal grain bread when I can eat this! My favourite thing is to put some butter and jam on top. I use a really good quality jam or you can make your own. 

Next up, I had the desire to make a chicken and leak pie (recipe down the bottom), so called my sister who is an expert in pies for a recipe. I made it grain free by using quinoa flour and gelatin to thicken it instead of wheat flour. Gelatin is so good for you so I'm quite happy with it and it turned out really well. Okay, I couldn't be bothered to make the almound flour pastry so I made it into a soup instead. But now that I know how to make it, next time I will make a larger quantity and make it into a pie. 

Oh, and last night I whipped up some homemade pesto in a food processor, using almonds instead of pine nuts and adding in avocado as well, then I stirred this through cooked chicken with some cream. I had peeled a zucchini into strips and sliced it to the size of fettucine, and used this as my "pasta" which I then stirred through. This worked out well! You can't taste the difference between zucchini and pasta when it is in sauce. Next up I'd like to experiment making "fettucine" carbonara...stay tuned. 

I am so happy now because all the recipes turned out so well. Making so many delicious recipes more than makes up for the fact that I am not eating sugar. If I can eat all these great things I don't care if I never get to eat sugar again. And guess what, I have noticed my skin is clearer from not eating sugar as well. 

Yesterday realised that this isn’t something I am just doing for 21 days…this is the way I want to eat for life. I feel a lot more free from compulsive eating now that I’m out of sugar’s “grasp”, so to speak. I’m not anxious about what I can eat. I’m not really having any sweet cravings, and if I do they are easily alleviated by a small amount of fruit or by tea. My love for cooking and baking is still being indulged as I try new dishes and creations. And in the future I will bake sweet treats but they will be just that – TREATS – not something I eat every day! More like a once every 1 or 2 weeks kind of thing that I can share with friends. Good quality dark chocolate is going to taste so much nicer when I have it less often and can really savour the bittersweet flavour. I’m looking forward to trying 85% Lindt!! 

Creamy Chicken, Carrot and Leak Soup (serves 1)

- 1 chicken thigh fillet
- 1 carrot
- 1 leak
- 1 clove garlic
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- ~ 2 cups vegetable stock 
- 1 tsp gelatin
- 1 tablespoon quinoa flour
- 1/4 cup thickened cream (I'm sure coconut cream would work too if you can't have dairy)
- Salt & Pepper

- Put the chicken thigh fillet into a small saucepan and pour in enough stock to cover it. Bring to the boil then cover and let simmer until cooked. This takes about 15 minutes altogether. 
- Remove the chicken and let cool on a plate. Save 1/4 cup of the stock.
- Meanwhile, dice up the carrots and steam them in a covered microwave proof dish with 1/2 cm of water on the bottom, in the microwave for 2 minutes. Let drain. 
- Heat the oil in a small saucepan. Thinly slice the leak and dice the garlic, then saute in the oil until softened.
- Add the quinoa flour and stir to combine.
- Slowly add the stock and the cream, season with salt and pepper, and stir to combine.
- Stir in the gelatin, letting simmer for a couple of minutes to thicken up. 
- Slice up the chicken.
- Finally, add in the carrot and chicken and voila!

Qutting Sugar: Day #8

I’ve gone a whole week without eating sugar! I can’t believe I lasted this long. And it really hasn’t been too hard so far, apart from a couple of cravings that haven’t lasted for very long at all. Usually drinking water to alleviate thirst, or having some fruit gets rid of the cravings. Of course, I'm drinking lots of tea and I ordered my two favourite teas, coconut and spearmint, from Tea Tonic online and I can't wait for them to be delivered...

Today I almost gave in and got some 85% dark chocolate from the supermarket after I saw a Muffin Break poster that had Cadbury chocolate on it. I felt like I wanted a treat and it’s so dark it should be fine. But then I realised that I wasn’t so sure yet that I have cured my sweet tooth and I was worried that having some dark chocolate might snowball into eating more sugar. So I realised that I wasn’t ready yet. I mean, the whole point of this is to get rid of my addiction to sugar and reset my tastebuds so that I require less sweetness to satisfy me. Anyway, I think I would have been fine in the first place if it wasn't for seeing that poster!

After I have done 21 days of this (it seems like such a long time away right now!) I think my tastebuds really will have changed and hopefully I will have created some behavioural changes as well. But it won’t change the effect that sugar has on the body, making us want more and more and interfering with the hunger and rewards systems. So I think that avoiding refined sugar is something I want to do for life, and I would like to experiment with using dextrose and rice malt syrup to sweeten desserts/treats as they have no fructose.

I know I spoke about this in a previous post but I’m not entirely sure that binge eating disorder can ever be completely cured. I mean, it can be put into remission but I think it will always require some effort not to go back to old habits when times get tough. But I hope that one day I will become a “natural” eater that doesn’t eat out of compulsion but who eats something because I really feel like it and then feels no guilt about it later. I’d like to be able to keep certain food around the house but not feel like I’m anxious about when I am going to eat it. I guess wanting to be a “natural” eater but also wanting to avoid certain foods for health reasons and wanting to lose weight can be quite difficult to balance at times. Oh well, I’ll get there.

Anyway I am really happy with my progress. 

Image: http://hd.wallpaperswide.com/thumbs/classic_cup_of_tea_and_teapot-t2.jpg

A Sugar Free Saviour + Pilates Update

Hello! Happy New Year! I can't believe yet another Christmas and NYE has come and gone but then again, I say that every year. This one was pretty good - caught up with all the fam and my brother got engaged. Made an AMAZING pavlova for Christmas lunch. Yep, it was full of sugar. I wasn't ready to cut out sugar over Christmas so I gave in. I don't regret it as it's an indulgent time of year and I was only 5 days into quitting sugar.

It brought home again how much one taste of sugar - when you're a sugar addict - just makes you want more and more. I experienced that for a few days, just eating with abandon (still grain and gluten free but all the sugar I wanted). But then - instead of waiting until the new year again, I realised I was sick of being stuck in the eat-eat-eat cycle and back to binge eating again so 5 days ago I went cold turkey. The only sugar I eat is in one piece of fruit per day. I'm proud to say it has been a really good 5 days! I'm feeling good! I know it will take a couple more weeks at least (I'm aiming for 21 days straight) before I get rid of my sugar addiction, or at least vastly increase my sensitivity to the taste of sweets. I was offered a chocolate from a box of Gillian sea shells yesterday and I declined, and as I sat there afterwards I thought about what would have happened if I had had one. I just knew that one wouldn't have been enough. I would have wanted another and been anxious about when I could politely ask for another. And another. It would consume my thoughts. That tells me I am definitely not ready.

But going cold turkey has worked surprisingly well for me. I'm not worried to have 1 piece of fruit per day because the fibre in fruit slows the rate of absorption of glucose into the blood stream. Plus they are good for you.

So - onto my sugar free saviour. I've been using all the tricks in my arsenal such as drinking herbal teas but I stumbled across this recipe from Mark's Daily Apple: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/make-your-own-primal-energy-bars-in-10-easy-steps/#axzz2pEaUu1aI

It's hard to find sugar free recipes that are actually sugar free. As in, no stevia, no rice malt syrup, no artificial sweeteners, no fruit juice. But these energy bars use dried fruit to sweeten them, as well as cinnamon and vanilla extract. Now, I don't mind that because dried fruit has fibre in it and cinnamon is good for lowering blood sugar. They are also full of satisfying fat and protein from nuts and coconut oil. I made a few slight modifications:

- I used dried apple instead of dried berries
- I added 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- I used 1/8 cup flaxmeal and 1/8 cup almond meal instead of 1/4 cup almond meal
- I added 1 tsp chia seeds
- I froze them for an hour or two before cutting them up and storing them in a fridge.

They didn't crumble and they taste really good. A subtle sweetness and they are quite more-ish actually. Next time I would like to add some protein powder to them. I have been using these as a snack at work or at home when I don't want a big meal, or with a cup of tea. Yum yum in my tum.

I also made something else - Paleo Cauliflower Fried "Rice". Tastes as good as the real thing, as tried and tested by my Dad! Recipe and picture to come.

Now for my pilates update. I have moved onto the Intermediate Series from "Pilates for Dummies". Yes it is harder on the tummy! I am looking forward to doing it again and also doing the side kick series again to work on my butt and thighs. I have been playing "Just Dance" on Wii as well! That game is so fun! You're exercising while actually HAVING FUN! Shock. Horror. For me anyway. Exercise is usually not something I would refer to as "fun". But I have always enjoyed dancing.

Okay I am out for now!

Sugar Musings

Today I walked past a display of chocolate mud cakes in woolworths and I thought to myself how much I would love to just buy one and buy some other carb-y snacks while I'm at it and just go home and have a nice leisurely day of eating them. See, those are the kind of thoughts that go through a binge-eaters head. I didn't think of enjoying one slice of cake, because I knew that wouldn't be enough for me, I thought about having a good old binge. And how I missed that. Isn't that sad? In reality, whenever I used to do something like that I would wind up feeling sick and depressed, vow to start afresh the next day, then ended up bingeing again later. It was this cycle that made me stack on all the weight.

Thinking that initial thought today actually was a wake up call. Much as I love the taste of sweets and carbs, I just DON'T want to be in the cycle of ALWAYS thinking about damn food and when is my next opportunity to get some, and always guilt guilt guilt and sneaking food. The fact is, I can't really be sensible around sweets and starches. I can't stop at one. And that brings me back to WHY I need to cure myself of my sugar addiction.

I look forward to the day when I can eat fruit and eat a sweet thing here and there without then feeling like I need to eat anything else sweet I can get my hands on. When my sensitivity to sweetness is heightened so that one dessert or one fruit is supremely rich for me.

I'll get there. 

Quitting Sugar: Day 4

So, I've made it to day 4 of going cold turkey on sugar, and I've learnt a couple of things on the way. Okay, to be honest, I did fall off the wagon today! BUT I am not defeated at all. First things first, here's what I learnt:

- I found that the sweet thing I was craving was fruit. The thought of biting into a succulent, juicy peach seemed like pure heaven last night. But I didn't, by reminding myself that I can do that once I have gotten rid of my sugar addiction. So far I haven't craved chocolate...which is strange because I have always thought of myself as a massive chocolate lover who can't live without it. So I now believe I was consuming all those blocks of chocolate out of compulsion and habit, instead of actually wanting to eat it. Helpful to remember to ask myself "I can have it if I want it, but do I really feel like it?"

- When I'm at a gathering with friends or family or wherever there is starchy and sugary snacks on offer, I don't miss having those snacks as long as I have my own snacks available. So being prepared at parties with some fancy cheeses and mixed salted/spiced nuts to nibble on is extremely helpful. Same goes with dessert. At a Christmas party last night there was trifle and MANGO cheesecake (which I couldn't have eaten anyway because of the gluten) but I had brought my own super dark chocolate/nutty/coconut rough slice and I had a couple squares of that. I was perfectly happy.

- When you fall off the wagon, it's not the end of the world and you don't have to start again from day 1. Instead, learn from it. I realised in hindsight today that I had the flourless chocolate fondant cake from Adriano Zumbo pattiserie because I thought that I might be missing out on something if I didn't have it. It's not like I was particularly craving it. At least I know I lapsed on something amazingly delicious, haha!

After I started eating it it was really hard to stop. These quotes from Sarah Wilson's ebook really hit home to me:

"When I have sugar I can witness how my body just isn't sated by sugar...and wants MORE. It's a little scary."

"When I set out I wanted to feel clean and clear. But mostly I wanted to be free of sugar. Free of its grip. I wanted to be able to decide how much sugar I wanted."

This is one of the biggest things for me, too. I hate how out of control I feel when I am binge eating. How you are never truly satisfied. That's what I want to be free of.

- The ritual of drinking tea helps. Especially if you have a teapot. Tea tonic coconut tea is amazing. Also, especially in summertime, having a jug of water in the fridge is handy whenever I feel in the need of a cool drink or feel like wandering to the fridge out of habit.

So despite having that fondant today, I'm feeling like I am going really well. I have strategies for the parties coming up and for Christmas day, and if I stick to those I don't think I will fall off the wagon during that time.

Sugar Detox: Day 1

So last night I decided enough's enough with this whole bingeing on sugar thing I've been doing lately and it's time to go cold turkey (not even fruit for at least a week, well until Christmas.) I googled "strategies for quitting sugar" and came across this lovely blog: econest.blogspot.com.

There were some good tips for going cold turkey there, as well as sugar-free treat ideas. The only problem is...now I don't know which one to try first?! Coconut rough, homemade chocolate, chocolate nut crunch, tahini and honey almond balls, chocolate nut balls... I bought organic cacao powder from a health food store and I already have all the other ingredients. I think I'll leave the honey almond balls till later as they do use a bit of honey and I'm trying to go cold turkey. But all the other ones are completely sugar free. I'll post a pic when I make one of the recipes.

So, how is my first day going? Not too bad. For some reason I feel hungry right now even though I only ate about an hour ago, which was a salad with bacon, tomato, spinach, feta and pine nuts, and then a chorizo sausage because I was still hungry. I don't get it. Usually that would be enough for me. Maybe it's just my body yearning for sugar? Oh and about 20 minutes ago I had a spoon of almond spread. I bought that for the first time today and it is AH-MAZING. So yummy. Just by itself. But as a snack idea I might try it with apple slices as well.

I've had two herbal teas, one of which was coconut and was amazing. Planning to order that from "Tea Tonic" as it's a good sweet-treat alternative.

Also feeling a little tired right now, like I could definitely go a nap. But again I think maybe it's just withdrawal symptoms? But my tummy feels less bloated today too so that's good.

Anyway, will see how I feel tomorrow...

I'm Back!

So, I've returned from my hiatus of a few weeks. I'm nice and relaxed and stress free after the cruise, but now it's back to reality - where your room isn't cleaned twice a day and all your meals aren't provided for you, where you can't just hop into the spa with a daiquiri every afternoon!

*   *   *

Oh well. I read a good book on the cruise called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson. There were so many practical tips in there for living a peaceful, stress-free life but there were a few things that hit home with me the most.

- "Wherever you go, there you are," as they say. If you're a person that is always wanting what you don't have and postponing happiness until you get or achieve certain things, chances are that when you get those things you still won't be satisfied and you will want something else. You will still have the grass-is-greener mentality. We have to learn to be happy RIGHT NOW, just the way things are; be able to draw happiness from our day to day lives - the journey itself. And the thing is, you never know what's going to happen to you tomorrow. Your life could be taken from you without warning and I want to know that I'm living my life like it's the last day I'll have to live it. Just really appreciating everything I have.

- Sometimes, life just isn't fair. People don't always act the way we want them to, respond the way we want them to, life doesn't always go according to plan. That's just the nature of life itself. You gotta roll with the punches, I guess. Just take life as it comes in an accepting way. And don't sweat the small stuff.

There were so many other important things to learn from reading that book so definitely go and get a copy. It brings much needed perspective and is a good book to be able to have a flick through when life is throwing you a curve ball - or you're just feeling in a shitty mood.

*   *   *

A good thing to remember is that there is no one way of eating (or living, for that matter) that works for everyone. A lot of people have found remarkable success with the paleo diet, yet others need to be more restrictive due to food intolerances. Some people find that being vegetarian or vegan works for them. Others eat whatever they feel like and try to pay attention to when they are satisfied so they don't overeat. Some people swear by "clean eating" or the raw food diet. Well, if it works for them, good on them. While I think everyone in the whole world would be a lot better off without wheat and vegetable oils in their diets, what people choose to do with the rest of their diet is up to them, and up to their body really.

I've realised today that, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" At the moment, I feel really good with a lot of energy (unless I have too much sugar or chocolate, then I get a headache and lethargic) so I don't think there's a need, at the moment at least, to try to cut out dairy. I mean, at the moment my Hashimoto's doesn't seem to be affecting me - I imagine it like a latent beast and one day I may find that my thyroid hormones aren't functioning as optimally as they should and maybe that would be a day that I would need to consider other options. But hopefully that day won't have to come as I think not having gluten, grains and vegetable oils gets rid of the major sources of inflammation in the body. Like I said, you just have to take each day as it comes.

It has been hard to get back into my normal routine after being on the cruise, as I was so used to just eating desserts all day with abandon and not worrying about it. Today I bought a whole block of white chocolate and after eating two rows, managed to get myself to stop. I wrapped the rest of it up in foil, in 2-square individual servings. I'm hoping that will help me to consume only one serving per day (or at a time). I've also been thinking I need to plan ahead more with food, and have broader snack and breakfast and lunch ideas. I'd like to have more vegetables in my diet. I'm going to make some nut and seed crackers to have with guacamole - I'll post pics after. Devilled eggs are another good option for a portable snack to take to work. 

Toxic Sugar and other things

Watched this great report on ABC's Catalyst program called "Toxic Sugar" which was shown on TV a while ago. I already knew most of the things they talked about but it was great to see it all summarised and put together so well, so that other people who are new to the idea of this can really get it. Thank God these ideas are finally gaining credence and hopefully more and more people will begin to realise that it's not FAT we have to worry about, it's sugar. I loved that they drew attention to the Heart Foundation (who are so completely misguided) and to things like low fat yoghurts and cereals which are so high in sugar.

Anyway, watching that ties in nicely with what I've been thinking about the past couple of days, i.e. trying to reduce my sugar intake. Look, I'm already pretty great with this compared to most people. I don't eat any grains, starches (except for pumpkin now and then) or refined sugars. BUT I still make paleo-fied baked treats, eat chocolate daily, have fruit juice now and again, and have honey and dried fruit in addition to normal amounts of whole fruit. Okay, so that still doesn't sound that bad! Hmmm, what I'm trying to say is that consumption of those amounts of sugars here and there adds up and I think for me insulin resistance is still a problem because I still have visceral fat, despite losing 15kg. I know scales can lie (or rather, be misleading) sometimes, but I don't think waist measurements do. Also, neither does the fact that lately I feel like I'm addicted to the sweet fix. I don't like the idea of being addicted to anything.

So, after this Sunday (because that's the day of my birthday tea party and I definitely can't avoid consumption of sugar on that day!) I am going to try to really cut down my sugar intake. I want to be sensible about this and I love cooking so my strategy will be to focus on cooking new dishes for lunch and dinner, exploring with salads (I've gotten bored of them lately) and meat  and vegetables. There are so many amazing savoury dishes in Against All Grain that I'm yet to try because I was focusing more on the grain-free breads and cakes. That's not to say that I'm not going to bake anymore, I'm just going to have a break for a little while and then just do it as more of a treat now and then.

New breakfast ideas will be an area to tackle too because I'm getting a bit sick of bacon and eggs. I'm going to move up to 85% dark chocolate too, because I've been stuck on 70% for a while. Finally, I will still eat fruit, but will try to have lower-GI ones like berries and stone fruits, which, with summer around the corner are luckily going to be in season! (Hmmm, what about a baked crumble using peaches and berries and cinnamon for the base and coconut and crushed nuts for the topping?)

So, just doing those things - focusing on a different area of cooking and eating darker chocolate and lower-GI fruits - is all I need to do. Sounds easy enough!

I think everyone likes the idea of turning over a new leaf - that's the whole appeal of a "New Year's Resolution" after all - the chance to make a change for the better. Well, I think that next month will be my turning over a new leaf month. Firstly with the reduction of sugar intake, and secondly with focusing on yoga. Hopefully my two yoga books arrive soon! Can't wait!

Can you ever really cure binge eating?

Binge eating disorder, compulsive eating, non-hungry eating, comfort eating. Call it what you want. I'm sure everyone has it in varying degrees. Any person who says they've never comfort ate is probably lying!

I would consider myself a reformed binge eater. I used to be so consumed by eating, and would spend so much of my time stuck in the cycle of deprivation, rebellion, binge, guilt, and disgust (then back to a new start each Monday). It made me depressed, angry, and hateful of myself at the worst of times. Oh I could tell you lots of stories about what I used to do, but if you've been there, or are there now, you already know. 

Of course, reading "If not dieting, then what?" really changed my outlook and helped me a LOT. And for a while it really worked and I stopped binge eating. But then I drifted back to my old habits. I yoyo-ed around like this for a while but ultimately, addressing the behavioural reasons behind binge eating was only half the story for me. I didn't like the fact that I kept falling off the wagon and having to get back on again and I just kept putting on weight. Clearly, there was something more going on and I later found out that it was to do with hormones as well as what type of food I was eating. 

If you read the whole of this blog you would be able to see the journey I went on and the things I discovered along the way that helped me. In a nutshell, what finally stopped me from binge eating was when I realised that, for health reasons, I would need to cut out ALL grains for good. I couldn't cheat and have wheat now and again, and after reading "Wheat Belly", there was no way in hell I could be tempted to. After I read that book, that was it. Once and for all, wheat (the biggest offender) and grains were gone. The paleo lifestyle was in. 

Because I couldn't ever have those old starchy treats at all, it quite simply stopped me bingeing on them. No longer was I eating things that actually made me want to eat MORE (instead of the logical feedback mechanism that should be happening, where you stop eating when you've had your fill). And no longer was I eating the things that make hypothyroidism worse. I still let myself have all the fat, nuts, dairy, eggs, fruit and veg, and of course chocolate, that I wanted. But it's hard to really binge on those foods, as they are a lot richer than donuts or bread or biscuits (which I used to be able to eat huge amounts of in one sitting!)

If I ever crave something sweet or something baked, I bake grain free using almond or coconut flour. And because I know those things are better for me it comes without the guilt attached. Take the guilt out and binge eating reduces by half. I hardly ever go a day without having a little treat, even if it's just some dark chocolate. 

Okay, after briefly explaining all of that, let me get back to the point I wanted to make! I don't think I'll ever be completely "cured" of binge eating. There are still times where I keep on eating the chocolate even after I'm satisfied. Or I compulsively look for something that I can eat even when I'm not hungry. In my head I liken it to reformed alcoholics. They can never again have even one drop of alcohol because the risk of falling off the wagon is just too great. They have to go completely cold turkey, for ever. In a way, they are always an alcoholic - just no longer practicing, I guess is one way of putting it. Of course, binge eating and alcoholism are hugely different diseases with widely varying health and social repercussions (and both are valid). But I just know that if I ever went back to eating grains, telling myself that it's just a bit here and there, it wouldn't work. I think I would go back to my old ways - for a whole multitude of reasons that led me to binge eating in the first place, emotional, behavioural and hormonal, that are unique to each person. 

So, the short answer to my question, in my humble opinion, is probably no. BUT I think you can turn binge eating around and reform it. Everyone over indulges from time to time and that's normal. And that's a place I'm happy to be at, because it doesn't happen very often at all.

If you want any more detail on anything I've said please ask me.  

I think I can see light at the end of the tunnel . . .

Well, I feel like the last 2 hours have been a bit of a punch in the face . . . a huge wake up call. I've been finding out that a lot of health problems I have experienced/am experiencing, can all be connected: chronic heartburn, bad skin, anxiety, bloating, infections, decreased immunity (it took me about two months last year to completely get over the common cold).

I'll start from the beginning.  I've not been taking my usual Proton Pump Inhibitor (PPI), which suppresses stomach acid, for a couple of weeks and it has been killing me. I've been popping Quick-Eze and drinking chocolate milk like there's no tomorrow. Then, genius that I am, today I finally had a bit of an epiphany that perhaps I get heartburn after eating bread and other starchy types of carbohydrates. This because I ate toast this morning and got heartburn afterwards, but after I had lunch (an omelette with cheese, spinach, ham, garlic and tomato), I had no symptoms at all. That's when the realisation came to me! (Then later on I had some cake and the heartburn came back. Case in point.) 

I quickly decided to have a go of not eating any of those types of carbs for the rest of the week and to see what happens. Later, as I re-watched Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers for the billionth time and got distracted, because I have indeed watched it many, many times, I randomly googled "Starch causes heartburn". After flicking through a few sites, I landed on this article "What Everybody Ought To Know (But Doesn’t) About Heartburn & GERD" by Chris Kessler (http://chriskresser.com/what-everybody-ought-to-know-but-doesnt-about-heartburn-gerd). All the following information I discuss, except for my personal anecdotes, was found in his series of articles on heartburn and GERD.

I don't want to be all melodramatic here, but I think I can safely say it has changed my life. Or is going to. 

Here is what I have found out from reading that article: chronic heartburn is actually caused by low stomach acid, as opposed to high stomach acid as popularly believed. I knew that my GERD was as a result of the lower esophageal sphincter (LES) not functioning properly and letting acid through into the esophagus. But I have been taking antacids and a PPI to suppress this acid, not knowing that it is in actual fact a low amount of stomach acid that CAUSES heartburn! All this time I have been unwittingly treating heartburn with something that actually MAKES IT WORSE!

Now this is a big slap in the face and makes me angry at both the doctor who suggested a PPI to me in the first place, and the pharmaceutical industry for perpetuating these misunderstandings. But before this turns into a post about the evils of Big Pharma, I'm going to return to writing about low stomach acid. 

Here's the deal. Low stomach acid results in an overgrowth of bacteria in the gut, which in turn leads to maldigestion of carbohydrates. This produces gas from the bacteria, increasing pressure in the stomach and eventually leading to malfunction of the LES, and hence heartburn and GERD. 

What happened to me is that a few years ago I began to get chronic heartburn. I went to the doctor, started taking a PPI, and thus unknowingly started to exacerbate the problem even more. Everytime I stopped taking the PPI, I got really bad heartburn. I didn't like being on a medication permanently, and I wished now and again I could stop the heartburn through lifestyle changes but the motivation wasn't there.

I can definitely say that the motivation is there now. 

I read in Chris Kessler's series of articles that bacterial overgrowth leads to reduced nutrient absorption, which for one example means that proteins may not be digested properly, leading to decreased amount of amino acids which can cause anxiety. I started getting attacks of claustrophobia (or something like that, I have not been to a doctor about it) in my sleep a couple of years ago. I wake up in the dark, think that I'm trapped somewhere, and have a panic attack searching for my phone or a lamp or a light switch to confirm that I'm not actually trapped in a small enclosed dark space. I don't understand why since I have never had a bad experience with being trapped. They have happened more frequently in the past year, and a month ago, I got claustrophobic in a large room simply because the window shades were down and I couldn't see to the outside. It was a seminar for work and I started to panic even though I knew it was completely irrational. Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent there but I think claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder. Could it be linked to the decreased nutrient absorption? Maybe. It's a link that I never knew about before and it is intriguing. 

Low stomach acid can also cause bad skin which is something I have long suffered with, and something I am really anxious to be rid of. 

Chris suggests a number of things in combination to restore digestive health and be free from GERD. To summarise:

• Try adopting a low carbohydrate diet. Long chain carbohydrates such as grains, legumes and starchy vegetables feed bad bacteria. And as I understand it they are also not absorbed properly in the stomach which leads to the bacteria producing more gas, resulting in heartburn. Short chain carbohydrates should present no problem and include fruits and non starchy vegetables. Thank God because I love fruit! However at the start I will try to just have one serve of fruit per day. 
• Once you have recovered digestive function, a low to moderate carbohydrate diet should be sufficient to prevent symptoms of GERD from reoccurring. 
• Supplements of Hydrochloric acid (HCL) with pepsin should help increase stomach acid.
• Probiotics reduce bacterial overgrowth and can be found in yoghurt which is good because I also love yoghurt, but I'll need to find a low carb knd. 
• Here's one I had no idea about: avoid consuming liquid during meals because it dilutes stomach acid. I have been drinking so much water during meals for this very reason, not knowing that it contributes to the cause of heartburn. 
• Bone broth helps restore the eosphageal lining. I'm going to have to try to find a good recipe for that. Hmmm . . . 

So, I am going to try all those things and  next time I go to the doctor, I am going to ask for a check of my levels of Vitamin D and A, calcium, Vitamin B12 and folate, Iron and Zinc. 

At first when I thought about trying a low carbohydrate diet, I thought it would be extremely hard because I love toast, I love pasta, I love biscuits and cake. I'm not saying it won't be, but I'm realising that there is a lot I can still eat. For dinner tonight I made a simple salad of spinach with olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing, and tomato, cucumber and small cubes of cheddar cheese. I then had a boiled egg on the side. Those were the ingredients I had on hand, and far from being boring and bland, the salad was so refreshing and tasted great - the dressing added flavour and the cheese added bite and density. There are so many other vegetables out there, herbs to try, that I think I will have a lot to choose from and I'm feeling hopeful. 

As the title of this blog would tell you, I am a chocolate lover. Now this is a low carb diet. Not no carb.    So I think I will be able to get away with small amounts here and there, and surely will slowly reintroduce other carbs once I have repaired my digestive system. So I'm not worried that I'll never be able to indulge my sweet tooth again, rather I am eager to see what this approach could bring to my well being. 

P.S. As a follower of "If not dieting, then what?", I think it's important to note that while this is a diet that involves not having certain foods when you feel like it, it is for health reasons and not for weight loss. For me, choosing not to have certain types of carbohydrates could actually make me feel better because I won't get heartburn afterwards. And as I said, I hope to reintroduce these foods to a moderate level when the time is right. For all the other foods I can eat, I will still follow the principles of eating when you feel hungry, until you are satisfied, savouring your food, choosing what you feel like eating, and not feeling guilty about eating so-called "bad" foods. I guess in some ways it is like a diabetic that is following "If not dieting, then what?" They can follow the ideas but within a certain range because they must be careful about the amount of sugar they have.